Freakin' Lost
by MrsPunk
Summary: A nonfanfiction. Everybody's back for this parody of Lost.
1. Chapter 1

**Freakin' Lost**  
By Kate aka MrsPunk/Snapemaniac

**Author's note:** Ok, I have never watched Lost (and I'm not going to either), so if any info is wrong – blame my friend Kai. I have based this on what I've heard from my friends' conversations. The tiny bits of the show I've watched, I have manipulated off course – this is how I see Lost, despite not actually watching the show.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own this show. Thank God.

The plan crashed some time ago, everybody ended up on some island, possibly Hawaii where the show is recorded. No, wait – there has been a freakin' polarbear. What the hell, is this a dream or what?!

**First Chapter: Bringing back the dead...  
**  
Ana-Lucia; What the hell, I'm alive again? Damnit! Why can't I be dead again so I can get off this freakin' island?!?!  
Libby; Oh God, will you shut up? Even when she's dead, she's annoying. I swear to God, she never stops talking.  
Ana-Lucia; Like you're the one to talk...  
Libby; Please, I beg you non-dead-but-still-trapped-on-this-freakin'-island-people, blow her brains out for me...Where's Michael when you need him?  
Kate; OMG! I think I'm about to cry again...  
Jack; Take cover, everyone.  
Kate starts to cry, and cry and then she cries some more.  
Jack; She's cried up an entire river by now.  
Sawyer; Shut up, Jack-ass.  
Jack; What a great comeback, dimwit.  
Kate; Oh Jack, don't be so mean to me. I love you, Jackieboy.  
Sawyer; What?!?! You can't be serious, you must be joking?! Him?!!?  
Jack; Why is it so hard for you to believe that Kate has fallen for me? I'm a hot, dreamy doctor. All the ladies fall for me...  
Sawyer; In your dreams perhaps. Kate, are you sure you love Jack? You don't love anybody else here?  
Kate; Hmmmm...noo...I don't think so.  
Sawyer got tears in his eyes and strutted away to the hippiecar.  
Hurley; What up, dude?  
Sawyer; Kate...sob...doesn't...love...sob me-he-heheee.  
Hurley; Dude...seriously, dude...Dude, stop crying, dude!  
Sawyer; Ok.  
Sawyer stops crying and Hurley gives him a pat on the shoulder. Michael has come back, from...wherever the hell he was. Libby rushes towards him and kisses him.  
Libby; Oh thank you, I thought you'd never come back.  
Michael; Are you supposed to be dead? Didn't I shoot you?  
Libby; Yes, you did. But for some reason, I'm back. And I need you.  
Michael; What for?  
Libby: _Whispers: _I need you to kill Ana-Lucia, she's annoying.  
Michael; But I thought you liked her...everybody liked her.  
Libby; Yeah, well...being dead and spending eternity with her just isn't that great.  
Michael; Ok, so what's in this for me?  
Libby; Whatever you want.  
Michael; Whatever I want? -_daydreams about a naked woman, covered in paint- _Ok, I'll do it.  
Libby; Great.  
Michael takes out a gun from his pocket and walks away to find Ana-Lucia. Meanwhile, on the beach Shannon has come back from the dead.  
Shannon; I am here to revenge my death, since apparently nobody wanted to do it for me.  
Sayid comes out of the bushes, next to the beach. Shannon walks up to him, and bitch-slaps him.  
Sayid; Aaoow! Why did you do that?  
Shannon; Because you didn't avenge my death, bastard!  
Sayid; But, but, but...Ana-Lucia shot you by mistake. Plus, she's dead now.  
Ana-Lucia; Who are you calling dead?  
Sayid turned around, and there she was...  
Shannon; You said she was dead!  
Sayid; She is... she's supposed to be.  
Shannon; You lied to me. I hate you so much right now.  
Sayid; I swear, she's supposed to be dead. Michael killed her!  
Shannon starts to cry and walks away. Sayid turns to Ana-Lucia.  
Sayid; Why are you here?  
Ana-Lucia; Since I have the most fans on this show, the producers decided to let me come back.  
Sayid; What show? This is a show, it's all made up?  
Ana-Lucia; Erhm...off course not. Eehh, Michael didn't really kill me, he just locked me up somewhere. Yeah, Libby and me. We never really died.  
Sayid; But, what about Shannon? You killed her.  
Ana-Lucia; Psch, no I didn't.  
Sayid; Yes, you did. I heard the shot.  
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, but you didn't see me.  
Sayid; You got a point there.  
Ana-Lucia; _Whispers to herself:_ _Man, that was close.  
_Sayid; Did you say something?  
Ana-Lucia; What? No, I was as silent as the grave.  
Sayid; ...I think I'm gonna go look for Shannon now...  
Ana-Lucia; You do that.  
Sayid walks away to find Shannon, and Ana-Lucia goes to find the rest of the gang. On her way she found a guy lying in the sand. She kicked the guy slightly, on the side.  
Ana-Lucia; Hey, who are you?  
Unknown guy; I'm Boone. Who are you?  
Ana-Lucia; Ana-Lucia. Why are you here?  
Boone; I dunno... I thought I was dead, but apparently I was wrong.  
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, whaeva(!) You know anybody here?  
Boone; I have a stepsister, Shannon is her name. You know her?  
Ana-Lucia; You can that, I killed her.  
Boone; What?!?! You killed my sister?!  
Ana-Lucia; By accident. Anyway, she's alive again. She's here somewhere, Sayid's looking for her. I'm looking for the rest.  
Boone; Mind if I tag along?  
Ana-Lucia; Not really.  
Ana-Lucia and Boone walked into the jungle, searching for the gang. All of a sudden, they hear something coming from a bush nearby.  
Ana-Lucia; Who's there?  
Unknown man; I'm here.  
Boone; Who the hell are you?  
Ana-Lucia; Hey, it's Mr. Eko.  
Boone; _Whispers to himself: Mr. Eko? What a weird name.  
_Mr. Eko; Ana, you're back. Praise the Lord.  
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, it just wasn't my time yet.  
Boone; You were dead?  
Ana-Lucia; Pretty much.  
Mr. Eko; So was I. But I've been brought back for some reason.  
Ana-Lucia; You died too? Man, did everybody die on this show?  
Mr. Eko; What?  
Boone; What?  
Ana-Lucia; Erhm.. nothing. Let's just find the rest.  
And once more they started to walk through the jungle, and this time they didn't find anyone who had been dead but then brought back to life.

**End of chapter 1.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Second**** Chapter: Killing off the living...**

Jack is lying down in the sand, resting his pretty little head, when Kate walks by.  
Kate; Jack? Why don't you love me?  
Jack; Well, Kate, if you must know...  
Kate; I must know, I must, I must!!!  
Jack; Calm down, woman. If you must know, it's because I'm secretly a gay.  
Kate; What?!?!  
Jack; Yeah, well..you can't be this handsome and not be gay.  
Kate; Yeah, you're right. Maybe I should settle for Sawyer. He wasn't that bad when we slept together, plus he loves me.  
Jack; Sure he does.  
Kate; You don't think he loves me?  
Jack; He could...if he wasn't a gay.  
Kate; Sawyer's not gay...is he?  
Jack; I've been getting these gay-signals from him.  
Kate; Hah, like what kind of signals?  
Jack; Like when he tried to kiss me.  
Kate; He did not, quit lying.  
Jack; He did, I swear.  
Kate; Jack, stop it. You're making me cry. -sobbing quietly-  
Jack; Oh...shit!  
Kate; -sobbing loudly-

Jack takes his sweet ass and walks away. Meanwhile, back at the hippiecar Sawyer and Hurley has just woken up from a good night  
rest.  
Hurley; Dude...how you feeling?  
Sawyer; Better.  
Hurley; That's good, dude.  
Sawyer; Yeah it is, International House of Pancakes.  
Hurley; Dude, stop calling me that, dude. It's not cool, dude.  
Sawyer; Ok...dude.  
Hurley; That's more like it, dude.  
Sawyer; Yeah, dude.  
Hurley; Hey, dude...isn't that Libby and Michael?  
Sawyer; Where? Oo, yeah...you're right, it is. Hey, Libby and Michael.  
Libby; Oh, there the manwhore and my cutiepie.  
Michael; Who's who?  
Libby walks up to Hurley and gives him a big kiss on the cheek.  
Hurley; Hi, Libby.  
Libby; Hi, my big cutiepie.  
Michael; Well, if that's cutiepie, then that means you're manwhore.  
Sawyer; What? What did you just call me?  
Michael; Manwhore. That's what Libby said you were.  
Sawyer; Libby!  
Libby; Well, you are. You've slept with both Kate and Ana.  
Sawyer; How do you know that?  
Libby; Ana told me you slept with her and then Kate told me you slept with her. Girls talk, you know.  
Sawyer; Whaeva (!)  
After having walked all night looking for the rest of the gang (Libby, Michael, Sawyer and Hurley) Ana-Lucia, Mr. Eko and Boone finally found them by morning.  
Ana-Lucia; Hey gang, we're back and no longer dead.  
Libby; _Whispers to Michael: Do it, do it now!  
_Michael; Shut up, I'll do it when I'm ready.  
Libby; But then it'll never happen. God, I hate you so much.  
Michael; Like I care.  
Libby; Oh, I am soo going to kill you.  
Michael; Oh yeah? Well, come on...bitch!  
Hurley; Hey, hey dude...let's not fight, we're all in this together.  
Libby; Yeah, my cutiepie is right.  
Mr. Eko; What in Jesus' name are you on about?  
Boone; I dunno.  
Mr. Eko; Not you, them.  
Michael; Libby wanted me to kill Ana-Lucia.  
Ana-Lucia; What?!!?  
Libby; I did not.  
Michael, Yeah, she did. She said she'd give me anything I want if I do it.  
Ana-Lucia; Libby, you're such a bitch. _Whispers to Libby: If I ever see you alone, I'm gonna kill you.  
_Libby; _Whispers to herself: Crap!  
_And before anything else could happen, Jack happens to come by.  
Jack; Hi everybody!  
Everybody; Hi doctor Jack!  
Jack; _Whispers to Sawyer: Hi Sawyer, you feeling hot today?  
_Sawyer; WTF?!?  
Jack; Nothing...

Meanwhile, somewhere else on this island.  
Danielle; Oh la la, I'm so French, I'm so snobby.  
John; Will you shut up?  
Danielle; Moi? But I'm French.  
John; Oh, for the love of destiny, shut up.  
Danielle; I will not shut up, oh la la.  
John; Ok, that's it.  
John pulls up a gun and shots Danielle, she dies immediately after being hit.  
John; Finally, some peace and quiet.  
Claire; What did you do that for?  
John; She was annoying.  
Claire; Remind me not to piss you off.  
Charlie; Hey, wait up.  
John; He's sooo slow...  
Claire; Sure he is, but he's a good man. Look, he's taking care of my baby.  
John; That's the only reason you like him, isn't it? You can tell me the truth.  
Claire; _Whisper__s to John: Yep, the only reason.  
_John; I knew it!Charlie; Hey, guys. What are you talking about?  
John; Nothing.  
Claire; Nothing.  
Charlie; Why is Danielle dead?  
John; She's French.  
Charlie; What, that's not a good reason to kill somebody.  
John; Ok, then... she was going to kill the baby.  
Charlie; No, she wasn't.  
John; How do you know?  
Charlie; Claire?  
Claire; Erhm...John's right, she was going to kill the baby.  
Charlie; OMG! Good heavens.  
John; _Whispers to Claire; Thanks for sticking up for me.  
_Claire; _Whispers back to John; I hated her too.  
_John and Claire; laughs  
Charlie; doesn't get why they're laughing

**The End of chapter 2.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Third Chapter: Still killing off the living…**

John, Claire and Charlie was walking towards the beach when suddenly, they heard something in the bushes. And out came the biggest polarbear they had ever seen, it was like Godzilla, it was...Godpolar. Godpolar came up to Charlie and ate him, and the baby. John and Claire ran away.  
Godpolar had recently been snacking on Jin Kwon, Sun Kwon, Desmond Hume, Rose and Bernard, and that is why they're not here.  
Meanwhile, back at gang's place, Kate has just arrived.  
Kate; Hi guys.  
Sawyer; Kate, have you been crying again?  
Kate; N-n-n-oo...  
Sawyer; You can't lie to me.  
Hurley; Dude...  
Jack; Kate's just upset because you're a gay.  
Sawyer; What? I'm not gay.  
Jack; Tsss...you are soo obviously gay, you're as gay as a gay-gay can be gay.  
Sawyer; Shut up, Jack. I'm not gay. I love Kate.  
Kate; You do?  
Sawyer; Yes, I do.  
Everybody but Jack; Naaaaaaawww!!!  
Jack; Whaeva(!)  
Libby; You're just jealous because you don't have somebody to love.  
Jack; Like I care.  
Mr. Eko; Everybody needs love. Whether it is the love from Jesus, or the love from a fellow human being – we all need love.  
Jack; Whaeva(!)  
Mr. Eko; Praise the Jesus, and his love.  
Jack; ?  
Suddenly, comes Godpolar roaming by. Everybody screams, Kate starts to cry. Godpolar manages to get Libby and Michael in to his mouth, whilst the others (not the bad guys) escape. They all run into a cave, where they meet John and Claire.

John; Hi guys, met the giant polarbear recently?  
Hurley; Uhuh, dude.  
John; Yeah, so did we. It ate Charlie and the baby.  
Kate; Poor Claire.  
John; She'll be allright. Who did the polarbear eat now?  
Jack; Libby and Michael.  
John; Oh...wasn't she dead already and didn't he leave?  
Ana-Lucia; Hmhmhm...let's just worry about the polarbear for now.  
John; Ok. Wait, how come you're here?  
Ana-Lucia; Worry about the bloody polarbear!!!  
John; Ok.  
Meanwhile, out in the jungle Shannon has forgiven Sayid for not avenging her death, and they had some make up sex. But sadly, their happiness did not last long, for Godpolar came and ate them. And so, we're back in the cave.

John; _Whispers to Claire: I find you very attractive.  
_Claire; _Whispers back to John: I know you do, I am very attractive.  
_John_; Whispers more to Claire: Wanna have sex?  
_Claire;_ Whispers yet again to John: Ehh...Sure, why not? My almost-boyfriend's dead, and so is my baby. Sex will surely be the  
cure to my unhappiness.  
_John;_ Whispers to Hurley: Wheeppii!!!  
_Hurley;_ Whispers back to John: You go dude!  
_John and Claire go to a more private place in the cave, whilst the rest just sits there.  
Kate; _Whispers to Sawyer: Wanna have sex again?  
_Sawyer; _Whispers to Kate: I dunno...  
_Kate; _Whispers to Sawyer: OMG! Jack was right, you are gay!  
_Sawyer; _Whispers to Kate: No, I'm not gay. I'll prove it by having sex with you.  
_Kate; _Whispers to Jack: In yo face, in YO FACE!  
_Jack; _Whispers to Kate: Whaeva(!)  
_Kate and Sawyer go to more private place, not the same place as John and Claire though, they're not gonna have a foursome.  
The people left are Jack, Ana-Lucia, Hurley, Mr. Eko and Boone, and they're trying to make the cave more cosy and homelike.

Mr. Eko; Jesus loves you, big guy.  
Hurley; Thanks, dude.  
Mr. Eko; Jesus loves you,Ana.  
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, I'm sure he does...whatever...You know, it wouldn't kill you to help, Jack.  
Jack; I wish I could help carrying those big rocks, but I can't.  
Mr. Eko; Jesus loves you, Boone.  
Boone; What are you on about? Who's Jesus? Anyway, why can't you help, Jack?  
Jack; Because I'm a gay, you see.  
Boone; ?  
Mr. Eko; Jesus likes you, Jack. He just wishes you were one of his flocks, but he likes you.  
Boone; Did he hit his head on the way in?  
Hurley; I dunno, dude...  
John; We're back!  
Mr. Eko; Bless you all!  
Ana-Lucia; Wow, that was fast.  
Claire; Tell me about it.  
John; What did you mean with that?  
Claire; Nuffin'...  
John; Yeah, you better not have meant something with that. You know what happened to Danielle.  
Boone; What happened to her?  
John; Erhh...She said something mean...and then... a lightingbolt hit her.  
Jack; Aaow! That's gotta hurt.  
John; No shit, Sherlock.  
Claire; Where's Kate?  
Ana-Lucia; She's with Sawyer.  
Claire; Ooooooohhhhh!!!  
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, I know!

Ten minutes later...  
Sawyer; We're back!  
Claire; _Whispers to Kate: How was it?  
_Kate; _Whispers back to Claire and Ana-Lucia: He's improved since last time...-giggle-  
_Claire and Ana-Lucia; -giggle-  
John; Sawyer, my man, you look terrified. How did it go?  
Sawyer; _Whispers to himself: I think Jack's right...  
_John; What, I didn't hear you.  
Sawyer; Nothing.  
John; _Whispers to himself: Why doesn't people tell my anything? It's so annoying...  
_Sawyer; Jack...I need to talk to you.  
Jack; _Whispers to himself; Here it comes...  
__  
_The two of them go to a more private place, apparently there is a lot of private places in that bloody cave.  
Sawyer; Damnit, Jack. I think you're right.  
Jack; I knew it! You are as gay as a gay-gay can be gay.  
Sawyer; Yeah, and what's more...I think that I'm in love with you.  
Jack; Tsss...Sawyer, I am sooo out of your league.  
Sawyer; No, you're not.  
Jack; Am too.  
Sawyer; No, you're not.  
Jack; Am too.  
Sawyer; You're not.  
Jack; Am too.  
Sawyer; Am too.  
Jack; You're not...wait a minute.  
Sawyer; Haha, I fooled you.  
Jack; No, you didn't.  
Sawyer; Give up,Jack.  
Jack; No, I won't.  
Sawyer; Jack, I'm leaving.  
Jack; No, you're not.  
Sawyer; This is me leaving...**SHOUTS: This is me gone!!**

**The End of chapter 3.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Fourth ****Chapter: The End is Rear...I mean near...**

Sawyer returned to the group, and sat down next to Kate.  
Kate; Something wrong, lovemuffin?  
Sawyer; Nope, everything is finally right.  
Kate; Ok.  
Sawyer; Hey, listen up everybody.  
Everybody; -listens-  
Sawyer; I'm a gay!  
Everybody; Yeah, whaeva(!)  
Kate; What?!?!  
Sawyer; Yes, it has finally become clear to me. I'm a gay.  
Kate; You...you...God, I hate you so much right now.  
Sawyer; I'm so sorry, Kate. But I can't deny it anymore.  
Kate; -stomps off out of the cave, sobbing loudly-  
Sawyer; Didn't see that coming.  
Ana-Lucia; Really, you didn't see that coming? Man, you're one dumb, man-loving guy.  
Sawyer; ?  
Kate; -screams in the distance-  
Everybody; ?  
Claire; Hey, let's check it out.  
Ana-Lucia; Not me, I think I'm gonna stay here. _Whispers to herself; I love being alive.  
_Sawyer; Suit yourself!  
Everybody; -walks out of the cave-  
Ana-Lucia; Why am I the only smart person on this island? It's so obviously the polarbear, who's out roaming again.  
Hurley; -screams- Nooo, now I'll never own a Koenigsegg, like the one featured on my secret-favoriteshow; Top Gear!!!  
Claire; -screams- Nooo, I'm gonna die after having bad sex!!!  
Boone; -screams- Nooo, I never got to meet my sister again!!!  
Jack, Mr. Eko, John, Sawyer; returns to the cave  
Mr. Eko; Thank the Lord, we're alive!  
Sawyer; Seriously dude, whatever you're smoking... gimme some.  
Mr. Eko; ?  
Suddenly, they hear a noise in the back of the cave. They all turn around.

Ana-Lucia; Who are you two?  
Unknown woman with fangs; I'm Druisilla...I mean Nikki.  
Unknown man with bigger fangs; And I'm Paulo, I mean Spike, I mean Paulo. Spike, Paulo, Spike, Paulo.  
FangNikki; Shut up, idiot!  
John; Are you some kind of vampire?  
FangPaulo; Yee-ee-ee-ss!  
John; Great, that was just what we needed, more monsters that wants to kill us.  
FangPaulo; Yee-ee-ee-ss!  
John; pulls out a gun from his pocket and shoots FangPaulo and FangNikki  
FangPaulo and FangNikki; -don't die-  
John; Hey, you didn't die.  
Ana-Lucia; Of course they didn't die, you need to put a stake through their hearts. Haven't you ever watched Buffy; The Vampire Slayer?  
John; You think I watch that crap?  
Ana-Lucia; It's not crap, shut up!  
Jack; Erhm...we might wanna do something about the vampires. I can't die! I'm a gay, you know.  
Sawyer; Will you just shut up?  
Mr. Eko; Devils, begone!  
Sawyer; I must get some of whatever he gets high on...  
Ana-Lucia; Hey, our priest here must have some crosses and perhaps some holy water.  
John; goes through Mr. Eko's pockets Nope, nothing.  
Jack; Oh, I'm soo dead.  
Ana-Lucia; Maybe not..._Whispers to John: We can lure them out into the sunlight.  
_John; Yeah, let's do that. Come here, little fangbeasts. You want to taste my sweet blood?  
FangPaulo; Yee-ee-ee-ss!  
John; Then come here...-backs slowly out off the cave-  
FangPaulo and FangNikki; -follows John-  
John; -is out of the cave-  
FangPaulo and FangNikki; -are out of the cave, burning in the sunlight-  
John; -smiles-  
FangPaulo and FangNikki; -are dust-  
John; Mwuahahahah, I did it. I killed them, I'm the best.  
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, well...it was my idea.  
John; Whaeva!  
Ana-Lucia; Hey John, look out.  
John; Tsss...like I'm gonna fall for a simple trick like that.  
Ana-Lucia; No, seriously John, look out!!  
John; -eaten by Godpolar-  
Godpolar; Mwuahahahahhaah!!!  
Ana-Lucia; -runs back into cave-´  
Jack; What happened to John?  
Ana-Lucia; The polarbear ate him.  
Mr. Eko; Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!  
Jack; I guess it's just us left then.  
Ana-Lucia; Yeaah...  
Sawyer; Great...  
Ana-Lucia; Yeaah...so...you're gay, huh?  
Sawyer; Nah, not really...I just pretended beacause I didn't want Kate.  
Ana-Lucia; Really? You're one sneaky bastard.  
Sawyer; Yep, that's me.  
Ana-Lucia; _Whispers to Sawyer: You know eh, I happen to be very into sneaky bastards...  
_Sawyer; _Whispers to Ana-Lucia: You don't say.  
_Ana-Lucia; _Whispers to Sawyer: Yep, particularly blonde, sneaky bastards.  
_Sawyer; _Whispers to Ana-Lucia: You don't say.  
_Ana-Lucia; _Whispers to Sawyer: Sexy blonde, sneaky bastards...  
_Sawyer;_ Whispers to Ana-Lucia: You don't say.  
_Ana-Lucia; Sawyer, could I talk to you...alone?  
Sawyer; Ok.  
Ana-Lucia; -walks away-  
Jack; What does she want to talk to you about?  
Sawyer; She's didn't say.  
Sawyer; -walks away and has great sex with Ana-Lucia-  
Jack; They're gonna kill me...I swear. They hate me, because I'm the only gay on this island. **SHOUTS: Homophobes!!!  
**Sawyer and Ana-Lucia; -doesn't care, they're in the middle of hot, steamy sex-

**The End of Chapter 4.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Fifth Chapter: Where we are now...**

Meanwhile, in a church in somewhere on this planet...  
Mr. Eko; Praise the Lord.  
People in church; Praise the Lord.  
Mr. Eko; Love Jesus, 'cause Jesus loves you.  
People in church; We love Jesus.  
Mr. Eko; Now, bow your heads for the silent prayers to our sweet Lord, God.  
People in church; -bows their heads, and pray to God-  
Mr. Eko; smokes a joint _Whispers to himself: Man, this is some good shit._

And in hospital i Jersey...  
Jack; Oh, this is nice, isn't it?  
Unknown sexy guy; _Whispers to himself; keep on dreaming.  
_Unknown cute guy; What are you two doing? Who are you?  
Jack; I'm Jack...who are you?  
Unknown cute guy; I'm Wilson. House, what are you doing with him?  
House, M.D/McMeany; He's just massaging my leg, fruitcake.  
Wilson; sobbing quietly You always let me do that, I thought you loved me.  
House, M.D/McMeany; I do, he means nothing to me.  
Jack; I don't? Well, then...I'm not going to finish.  
House, M.D/McMeany; Like I care, I have my cute fruitcake here.  
Wilson; Aaaww! I love you, my sexy candycane.  
Jack; -stomps off, disgusted by the adorable couple-  
House, M.D/McMeany and Wilson; -snogs a bit- 

In L.A...  
Ana-Lucia; I so can't believe we got off the island, I still don't know how we did it.  
Producer number 1; Yeah, well...that's for us to worry about.  
Producer number 2; Yeah, just tell us about the people there.  
Producer number 3; Yeah, we'll write everything down and make a hit-show out of it.  
Sawyer; A hit-show?  
Producer number 4; Yeah, it'll air on FOX.  
Sawyer; Groovy...  
Producer number 5; Yeah, we need to schedule a meeting tomorrow to go over some things.  
Ana-Lucia and Saywer; leaves the office  
Ana-Lucia; This is so great, Sawyer.  
Sawyer; You don't say.  
Ana-Lucia; I love you.  
Sawyer; I love you too. Now, let's go home and have some hot, steamy sex again.  
Ana-Lucia; Oh God, yes! 

**The End of this bloody (non) fan-fiction.  
**I'm so sorry for all the references to Little Britain and other David Walliams/Matt Lucas shows, but I just couldn't help myself.  
Plus, I do hope that there was someone who spotted the The Simpsons-reference.  
And I would just like to say that I love the nicknames Fruitcake and Candycane (which is a reference to a House-fic I've written).  
Please, review this – I need to know what you thought about it.


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